My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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