Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it's like iHOP with fire
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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