I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize