Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
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I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Text me some of your sweat
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