so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
