Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
