If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
