Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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