Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
