So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just want to make out with him forever
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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