It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
