My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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