Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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