Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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