sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
