I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
