At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My Higher Power is John Stamos
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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