Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
