I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
