I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
