There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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