so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
