I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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