you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
