I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize