just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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