I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
