it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
