but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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