she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
