And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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