Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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