I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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