You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
