its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
