I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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