I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
