I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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