i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
