he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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