someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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