Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
