I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
