I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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