I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sober January is a disaster.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
