He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
