I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
