Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she looked like the before picture.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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