i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
