Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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