Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
