so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
