I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize