walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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