Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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