there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
