Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
