he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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