Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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