I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
