Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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