i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
