just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
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Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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