so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
