I just pynch a tree in the face
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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