i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
