Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
